There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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