So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
