fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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