so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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