Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
