When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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