I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
