I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
