Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
