fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
