Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
