i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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