So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
