I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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