Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
