i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
