her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
