He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
