if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
