They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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