you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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