this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
