How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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