you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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