Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
