You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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