I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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