My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
