well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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