The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
