You're so nebulous sometimes
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
