Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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