I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
