she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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