Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
