I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
