all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
