Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
