i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
