Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
