HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
