so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
