so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
