There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
