arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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