Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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