I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
