No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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