That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
