The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
