i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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